Mental Chatter - Awareness

 Father Anthony De Mello in his book “Awareness” tells a story.

“ Last year on Spanish television I heard a story about this gentleman who knocks on his son’s door. “Jaime,” he says, “wake up!” Jaime answers, “I don’t want to get up, Papa.” The father shouts, “Get up, you have to go to school.” Jaime says, “I don’t want to go to school.” “Why not?” asks the father. “Three reasons,” says Jaime. “First, because it’s so dull; second, the kids tease me; and third, I hate school.” And the father says, “Well, I am going to give you three reasons why you must go to school. First, because it is your duty; second, because you are forty-five years old, and third, because you are the headmaster.”

When you don’t wake up (become aware) and understand your mental models probably we reason like Jamie in the story about events/ happenings around us. I understand the example above is an extreme case.  Yes, we are not Jamie but we are similar to Jamie.    Hence becoming aware of mental models is most important step to live a conscious life. Journaling as mentioned earlier was the first step to become aware.  

As we have seen in the last post, mental chatter that we have, is the foundation of most of our mental models. This chatter cannot be stopped, cannot be killed, cannot be side-lined. Only way is to become aware of the chatter. Again, journaling as suggested earlier comes to our help for noting down the mental chatter.   

 You can deepen your awareness by many practices. The simple practice, which I follow is to meditate. Sit straight but comfortably. Close your eyes and bring your attention gently to your breath.  Watch, how your breathe goes in and out. You can use a soothing mediation music in low volume to aid this. Only condition that is to be kept in mind, is your breathing should not be altered, it should be easy and natural and if your attention gets distracted, which will happen many times gently bring back the same, to your breathe. (The most simple but profound guide to meditation can be found in Andy Puddicombe’s book- The headspace guide to mindfulness and meditation- This explains the step-by-step process of meditation) Will you get results if you do this? See we are programmed so, to get a result for anything we do, that this expectation itself hampers the process. My sincere advice will be, to meditate, don’t expect. You will see for yourself the change in you.

What is   self -awareness? It is noticing everything happening in you and around you without judging. Notice what is the ambience around you, how do you feel, how your clothes fit on you, what thoughts are roaming in your head, what emotions are you feeling. What sensations are there in body, what are you perceiving through your senses.

Mindfulness is a practice that also can help a person deepen his self-awareness. I can suggest few practices, which if done diligently will help a person to become more aware.

We use mobile phone extensively. Rather it has become an extension of our body. Next time when you get a call, before you answer the call, take 3 deep breathes and then answer the call. You will see qualitative difference in the response. Or you are on Whatsapp and forwarding a message or commenting something. Before you actually hit the send button, take few deep breathes and see the action you are about to take. You will find that you will respond rather than react and will reduce unnecessary forwards giving you a calm space of mind.

How do you drink water? Have you tasted the coolness, the feel of it when it enters your mouth? What it feels like, when the edge of the glass touches your lips while drinking water. So, try to feel all this when you drink water. This mindfulness exercise can be extended while eating food also. Eat your food slowly, take small bites, feel the taste in your mouth, savor the flavor of food and if possible, do all this silently.

All this will help you to become aware of yourself. And this awareness will help you lead to path of conscious living.

“Until you make the unconscious, conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” Carl Jung 

Mental Chatter

 

I got up late again. Now I have to rush through my shower and breakfast. I am finishing my breakfast really quick. Why can’t I get up when the alarm goes off. Just five minutes makes it half an hour or more. I must be more disciplined…

Oh! the traffic seems to be moving at a slow pace today. How will I reach office in time? The car ahead is moving at a snail’s pace. What has happened? Can’t he understand this is rush hour and drive fast?...

At last reached office though fifteen minutes late. The boss will get a chance to taunt me on my late coming. How mean?...

Sir, Boss has called you. My assistant tells me. Is it because I am late? Or whether he wants the revenue data. I already have provided this to him. He has the habit of forgetting conveniently data given to him. Is it regarding debtor management? Or is it that he wishes to talk to one of our bigger customers for his outstanding dues? ….

The lunch packed by wife is really tasty. I must tell her that. But it is not so always. Why can’t she make it like today, every day?...

At home: Son tells me that his teacher has called both of us to meet her in the classroom. Oh! What has he done now? He is good kid but sometimes goes crazy. I think these are his child hood pranks. He doesn’t want to hurt anybody. Or whether he is not progressing in his studies. What could be the reason the teacher has called both of us…

Are you familiar with this? A mental chatter that continues in your head nonstop. From you are up in the morning till you go to sleep, this companion is with you. This chatter is sometimes loud, sometimes whispering in your ear. But all the while it stays with you in all your waking life. This voice unfavourably compares you with your smart colleague, comments on your physical appearance, feels jealous for someone in your network, constantly nags you.

Have you noticed; you have constant thoughts popping in your head throughout your waking day? These thoughts come from your conditioning, from your interaction with people around you, from the advertising you see on various platforms. Sometimes you worry about a thing or an event that is going to take place, sometimes you feel elated about an upcoming vacation, sometimes you feel angry, frustrated, many a times you worry about what will happen if you lose your job, your spouse, your home. If you notice this carefully there is a pattern to your thoughts.  Most of the thoughts are of the nature where either you judge yourself, or judge people around you because of their appearance or behaviour, or judge events happening around you as to how these events affect you. Of course, there are some neutral thoughts like when you note the activities to be done in a day.

This chatter mostly consists of voice of judgment (VOJ as defined by Prof. Michael Ray of Stanford university, also known as the Judge a major saboteur as defined by Shirzad Chamine  in his book Positive intelligence) This voice judges you, pulls you down in so many ways. Sometimes it acts like a sledgehammer other it time behaves like jewellers’ mallet. This constant stream of thoughts/judgments give rise to your mental models.

 When you take individual thoughts arising in your mind, they are insignificant and evanescent but taken together they form a reality. Prof. Rao in his book “Are you Ready Succeed? Unconventional strategies for Achieving personal mastery in business and life” gives a beautiful example for this. A tiny polyp when dies leaves its skeleton in the sea. When millions of such polyps die together, they form a coral reef which becomes so strong as to rip the bottom of a strong ship. Our thoughts are like that. These small tiny thoughts taken together from a wall in your mind or form a mental model through which you see the world.

 We have unconsciously created our mental models through our chatter. It can also be seen that this chatter try we may, very hard, does not go away. We cannot kill it. What we can do, is we can observe it.

For this Prof. Rao suggests an exercise. In this exercise he tells us that one should keep a journal/notebook and note down the mental chatter happening. One can set a reminder every two hours or so to check up what is the mental chatter at that time and write it down in the journal. While doing this one must observe the emotional undertone accompanying the chatter. Also note if there are any patterns to this chatter. Whether in the morning thoughts which come are repetitive or one of a kind. What thoughts are triggered at what time. Is one going into escapist dreams or mulling over past events? Is one worrying about some events that are yet to take place, is there low level of anxiety at the back of mind? Is one feeling tired/exhausted? Is one feeling joyous or happy for no apparent reason? Are there any events that trigger certain thoughts or emotions?

 This exercise looks simple, but a difficult one to follow. Many a times, you will feel that you have been lost in the mental chatter and forgot to note down it. One thing to remember here is the noting should be non -judgmental. Just record what is coming to mind. Prof. Rao tells us that this exercise should be done at least for fifteen days continuously. It will reveal to us what beliefs, values we hold and how we look at the world.

“Most people don’t realize that the mind constantly chatters. And yet, that chatter winds up being the force that drives us much of the day in terms of what we react to, and how we feel.” Jon Kabat-Zinn