Don't Take
Anything Personally: Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and
do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune
to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless
suffering
This is second agreement
from the book Four Agreements. What a sage advice? Can we not take anything personally?
This reminded me an
incident which is quite dated but still when I remember it, I feel it has
happened just now. I had purchased a new blue colored Sedan. I was driving it
to a resort with family. On the road I overtook a mini van carrying goods. On
my right there was a road divider, hence to avoid it I swerved my car slightly
left while overtaking. And I passed the van so close that I heard metal scratching
noise. I ignored it and reached my destination. When I got down and saw a big
scratch on the left door of my car. I was aghast. I felt very bad. The scratch
really gnawed at my heart. I felt pain
as if I myself has been bruised. And I was not able to enjoy the lunch at the
place. Now I realize that I took that
incident personally. Is it not?
One more thing I remember.
I had visited a new restaurant in the town. I liked the food, the ambience, the
service there so much that I decided to take my few friends there on a weekend.
We arrived there and were greeted warmly. We ordered food and had a leisurely
dinner while talking. While leaving I asked my friends – So how was it. The
reply was -it was good. Somehow, I felt the reply was not enthusiastic. On that
day I also felt the food was not up to the mark as I had expected. But the
remark made me feel bad. I felt hurt. Now I realize that I took that remark
personally. I had not made the food, nor had I served it. But still I felt a
pain in my heart.
I realized that I should
have got this advice earlier. Don’t take anything personally. We are so
invested and attached to the outcome that we take things personally. For our
own improvement it is sometimes necessary to take things personally. But not to
heart. We should be able to learn our lesson and move on.
The advice is simple but
seems very difficult to implement. How you can not take things personally. Our
whole conditioning is such that we always take things as to how those will
affect us? All our activities are strengthening our Ego and we become so accustomed
to it that we forget that there is any other way to live.
Don Miguel Ruiz has said that what others say
and do is a projection of their reality. A human being always lives in his
reality which he has created over his life. And that reality is made up of his
own thoughts, mental models, conditioning. So when someone says something or
does something we should not take it personally. How can we implant this
agreement in our mind and act accordingly? Are there any ways to behave in this
fashion?
I found a beautiful article
on internet on this. Please see link below.
https://daringtolivefully.com/stop-taking-things-personally
I think we should be able
to cultivate a witness mode of living. What is this? Try, if you can see what
is happening inside and outside of you, as a witness. See what you are doing ,
what thoughts are moving in your mind as a witness who is away from yourself. I
know this is pretty difficult. But even a 5% success will reveal how much life
is conditioned by me thoughts and that drives us to take things personally. Being
aware is the antidote to this me centeredness.
“Rather than being thoughts
and emotions be the awareness behind them.” Echkart Tolle.
