Incomplete

 

I have a habit of eating biscuit/cookie with my morning tea. Before I venture out for my morning  walk I take my tea along with a particular type of biscuit/cookie. Other day I bought one packet of biscuits and opened it with my morning tea. To my dismay I found the biscuits inside broken into pieces. Though all the pieces were there I felt unhappy about it. Drinking morning tea with pieces of biscuits felt totally unsatisfactory. Even though the number of biscuits I ate was as usual, I felt somewhat incomplete?

Why So? Why the broken biscuits gave me a feeling of incompleteness or unhappiness? Was it my habit that was coming into play because of which I felt unhappy. But I had eaten the same number of biscuits as I eat everyday albeit in broken pieces. Why I was feeling so? Probably it is my mental conditioning? Or is it something else? Do you also feel this way?

I do not know the neuroscience behind it but I think a human being tries to find completeness in the activities that he undertakes. Incomplete things create a gnawing sensation in his mind that something is missing. We are a species where we try to find completeness, symmetry in our day to day life. Probably our brain has evolved in this fashion.  What are your thoughts on this?

 That reminded me a story.

The story of Missing Goat

It all started one lazy Sunday afternoon in a small town near Toronto in Canada. Two school-going friends had a crazy idea. They rounded up three goats from the neighborhood and painted the numbers 1, 2 and 4 on their sides.

That night they let the goats loose inside their school building.

The next morning, when the authorities entered the school, they could smell something was wrong. They soon saw goat droppings on the stairs and near the entrance and realized that some goats had entered the building. 

A search was immediately launched and very soon, the three goats were found. But the authorities were worried, where was goat No. 3? They spent the rest of the day looking for goat No.3.The school declared classes off for the students for the rest of the day.

The teachers, helpers, guards, canteen staff, boys were all busy looking for goat No. 3, which, of course, was never found.

Simply because it did not exist.

Those among us who in spite of having a good life are always feeling a "lack of fulfillment" are actually looking for the elusive, missing, non-existent Goat No.3.

From ( https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/story-missing-goat-3-ann-p)

What was happening with me when I ate broken biscuits? Was I searching for that elusive completeness of the biscuits?  

The story of missing goat syndrome is very instructive. We are always trying to find that something which will make us happy and fulfilled ignoring things that we have. Is it not?

Tell me how do you handle this kind of dissatisfaction? How do you manage the missing goat syndrome in your own life?

The Japanese concept of Wabi- Sabi may be helpful here, I think. In traditional Japanese aesthetics, Wabi-Sabi is a world view which glorifies the nature of acceptance of transience and imperfection. So how can we develop that world view? What practices one can follow to do that?  Let me know. What do you think?

“ We need to learn how to want, what we have, not to have what we want, in order to get steady and stable happiness.” Dalai Lama.

 

Chance continued

 

My last post on chance had mixed reactions from the readers. Some readers readily agreed to it, while others questioned the impact of chance. I got a feedback, that you should try , work hard and be ready to progress in life, in any field. Absolutely true. The modern man does not believe in chance but hard work and grit. Yes, I agree with that.

As all of us know that some events impact us profoundly, while other not so. We then start categorizing events, into good or bad. Events which help us on our path, we brand them as good, while others we brand as bad. We get conditioned by this classification and we start expecting, that events should turn out to be good and when that does not happen we feel bad about it. Is it not? This conditioning creates a kind of suffering for us and we are not even aware of it, that it happens so subtly. Then how should we go about life, so as to minimize the suffering. Prof. Srikumar Rao suggests a strategy, to become resilient. He says, “Do not stick a label to it.”  Just do not brand any event good or bad.

This will prepare us for the mental resilience when an adverse event takes place and will keep us calm and grounded. How do you go about it? What are the ways, that you train your mind, to remain calm and grounded so that, you can respond appropriately. As suggested above, one practice could be – not to name any event as good or bad. This reminds me of a story.

“An old man lived in a verdant valley with his son, a handsome and dutiful youth. They lived an idyllic life despite a lack of material possessions and were very happy. So much so that feelings of envy arose in their neighbours.

The old man used practically all his savings to buy a young wild stallion. It was a beautiful creature and he planned to use it for breeding. The ame night he bought it, it jumped over the paddock and disappeared into the wild. The neighbours came over and commiserated. “How terrible”, they said.

“Good thing? Bad thing? Who knows?” said the old man.

Ten days later the stallion was back. It came with a herd of about dozen wild horses, and the old man was able to lure all of them into his paddock, which he fixed so escape was no longer possible.” What good fortune?” said the neighbours as they clustered around.

“Good thing? Bad thing? Who knows? “said the old man.

His son started to train the horses. One of them knocked him down and stomped on his leg. It healed crookedly and left him with a permanent limp.” Such misfortune” said the neighbours.

“Good thing? Bad thing? Who knows? “said the old man.

The next summer the king declared war. Press gangs came to the village and rounded up all able young men. The old man’s son was spared because of his game leg. “Truly are you lucky” exclaimed his neighbours as they bemoaned their own losses.

“Good thing? Bad thing? Who knows? “ said the old man.

That very winter…..

(From the book “Are You Ready to Succeed? Unconventional Strategies For Achieving Personal Mastery in Business and Life by Prof. Srikumar Rao)

Can we develop the attitude, the old man takes, in the story above? This will definitely help us, becoming more resilient and reduce our suffering. Is it not? Think about it. Think about what is bothering you right now? Can you adopt this way of looking at what is bothering you. Try and see what happens?

Am I Advocating inaction here? Absolutely not. You must try and do whatever you want to do, but with the attitude of, not labelling any event as good and bad. This will release, tremendous amount of energy, which is otherwise lost, in labelling events good or bad. And I am sure, this small change, will help you transform your life.

I would like to illustrate this point, with another story, from another book of Srikumar Rao. – “Happiness at Work – Be Resilient. Motivated and Successful – No matter what.”

“ He was a good swimmer , a very good swimmer, was training to compete in an important meet. He slipped on the patch of ice and broke his wrist. For weeks and weeks his coach kept him on the side-lines kicking, while his teammates practiced furiously. Initially he was devastated and felt that his career was over. Then he simply buckled down to doing what his coach told him to do.

At the meet in one of the crucial events, his opponent swam the race of his life. He was quite behind at the half way mark and should have lost. But the weeks of kicking had given him muscles he’d never had before. He kicked even harder and touched the finish wall whisker before his inspired opponent.

This swimmer was Michael Phelps. The event was 100 m butterfly in 2008 Beijing Olympics. He beat Milorad Cavic by 1/100^th of a second to win his seventh gold medal. Frame by frame photographs showed a tired Cavic gliding with his legs while Phelps gave a final kick. ……..

So, when Phelps broke his wrist in the midst of his most intense training, was it a bad thing or a good thing? Who Knows?  A case can be certainly made that the injury was the best thing that ever happened to him. “

 

 

Chance

 

This was the photo I took, from back balcony of my house. My building is situated on the bank of a river, although the river does not have much water. The dam constructed on upstream of river, has made it dry. During rainy season, when the dam is full, some water is released to ease pressure on the dam, which flows in the river. Then many birds, start arriving in the vicinity of this water. This painted stork was nearly half km away from my balcony when I took the shot with my telephoto lens. I took the picture and cropped the unnecessary portion around the bird. And  I was  pleasantly surprised to see the reflection of the bird in the poodle. The reflection was captured unknowingly and I felt happy about it. A chance seeing of the bird and its photograph made me happy.

I remembered an article in the Sunday Times of India by Ravi Venkatesan about chance and luck. He states that chance plays an important role in our life even though we may not accept it. He says that the place where you take birth, your parents, determine lot of things in your life- from your schooling, your friends, your education to your job. Pretty true. This fact starkly hit me when I looked at the photograph.

Few days earlier I have seen a video in which Rajiv Bajaj the Chairman of one of the biggest two wheeler makers in India ,wherein  he says that life is a game of chance. The transcript of this is available here. ( https://www.outlookbusiness.com/the-big-story-1/lead-story-8/where-you-are-placed-in-life-is-just-luck-6305). He narrates a story of how his great grandfather who belonged to a very poor family was adopted by a wealthy man passing by in their ancestral village.  He says that “Truly, the circumstances are much bigger than us. The whole talk of “I have done it’. This is mine is wrong.  Where you are placed in life is just luck. Of course, within that how you conduct yourself is important but minor detail. If I had to reason why I am where I am , I could talk of lineage ,heritage, father, great grandfather, Harvard degree, meritocracy and all of that but it would be rubbish. I am here because my great grandfather was playing marbles in the courtyard one hot afternoon and somebody wealthy happened to pass by. That is how the family came into wealth. It was a reality check and it grounded me.”

Definitely chance plays a major role in our life. But how do we utilize that is completely dependent on us. With the given things, how we maximize our potential and grow ourselves in all dimensions of life is left to us. When I say chance or luck plays a major role, am I suggesting to become fatalistic? No.  It is just a reality check about what and who we are. What do   you think?

I am sure many readers will disagree about the post. They may feel that it is an attitude of fatalism. What I would like to emphasize that being aware of the role chance plays in life , makes one humble and grounded. It does not mean that we should be exhilarated or disappointed by the chance thrown at us. We should have a reality check and move forward.

With the above photo I could have congratulated myself about the photography skills I have acquired in a short time. But instead, it reminded me of the chance because of which I was able to capture the reflection of the bird in the poodle.

What do you think what role chance plays  in life? What you do, to capitalize on that? Or rather, how do you prepare yourself, so as to receive this kind of opportunities or chances. Do let me know.

 “As the Arabs say the nature of the rain is same, but it makes thorns grow in the marshes and flowers in the gardens.” Father Anthony DeMello in Awareness.

 

Mental Toughness

 

"Mental toughness is often portrayed as determination and persistence, but it can also be flexibility and adaptability.

- I can be happy anywhere.

- I can work with what I have.

- I can have a good day with anyone.

You are tough when your mood is not dependent on your conditions." James Clear author of Atomic Habits

I had subscribed to the email letter of James Clear. I got the above, in one of the mails. Generally, we attribute toughness to decisiveness, determination and persistence in spite of obstacles. The above quote made me thinking. Yes, in the present, rapidly changing world, flexibility and adoptability are equally important. But what struck me most, was the statement “I can work with what I have”.

Recently I had purchased a mirrorless camera and I am developing photography as a hobby. The camera came with a kit lens and I also got another telephoto lens. I am watching You tube videos, to learn the art and science of photography. I was mesmerised by the photos of birds and got interested in birding. I took my camera along with the lens to a near by place and tried to capture the snaps of the birds. But the effect was not to my liking, and then I started searching internet about the lenses, that are being used by wildlife photographers, to get those stunning shots. I soon realized, that those lenses, are not affordable to me. But I brooded on the thing, what will happen, if I have got one of those big telephoto lenses. And then in my mailbox, I got this mail. The meaning of the statement that sunk in me deeply. I can work with what I have. Can I? A question arose in my mind.

That question took me on a nostalgic trip. We, a family of six, were staying in a very small, two room flat, on ground floor, in a chawl, in 70s. My father decided, to furnish the flat, to make it more liveable. He conceived of a cupboard, attached to the wall, where my mother can store grocery containers and the door of the cupboard, when opened, can be used, as a dining table. The door was hinged to the bottom of the cupboard and the top side of the door contained an arrangement for fixing legs.  When the door was opened, it became parallel to the ground, one end being supported by hinges and the other by legs.  Then it could be used for dining, for my studies and for sleeping underneath at night. That was a real novelty then. My father used the little space, in an ingenious way, to work as cupboard and as a table. I remember my engineering school days, when I used to complete, my drawings on the table at night, after dinner was over. If there were guests, we used to close the cupboard, remove the detachable legs and use the complete floor space for sleeping. This was a perfect execution, of the statement, work with what you have.

In a corporate set up, definitely resources are required, to achieve the goals, set up for the organisation, but I think optimum use of resources, is a key everywhere, be it a home or a company.

I realized, I was unnecessarily brooding over, what I could do, if I had a bigger telephoto lens than using the existing one for creative use. Yes, toughness is when, I can work with what I have.

“I can be happy anywhere”. Possible. May be or may not be. But I find it difficult? We have so many expectations about our body, surroundings, job, relationships and even the places we visit for holidays that being happy anywhere can be a tough task. What do you think? What is your experience?

“I can have a good day with anyone”. We have likings and dislikes for people, their appearances, their skin colour, their culture, eating habits and what not. We like some of our work colleagues while we abhor some. Even in family setup we prefer company of certain relatives to that of others. Is it not?

“You are tough when your mood is not dependent on your conditions.” Mood is the mental state, of a person or the feeling, he is experiencing, at a particular time. This is really the essence, of toughness, as defined by James Clear. Our mental state is affected by our health, financial condition, weather, traffic, our boss, our spouse’s mood – so many factors. There are lot of external and internal factors on which our mood is dependent. Today morning I woke up and was planning to go for my morning walk. This walk is an elixir for me as it rejuvenates me physically as well as mentally. Being rainy season, it was raining pretty intensely. I was not able to go for a walk and felt disappointed. I felt unhappy and my mood became slightly gloomy. How weather affects your mental wellbeing? How can we ringfence our mood from external/ internal conditions? What you do, to keep you mood high (without using any substances!).  

How we can be tough, in the sense James Clear says. On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 represents least tough and 10 represents maximum tough, can we evaluate ourselves, for our toughness, on the three statements mentioned above. If we can honestly do that, we will know about ourselves better. We will be able to find, where we need to work on. There will be many more dimensions for toughness, but I felt the three above- work, place, person cover most of the human interactions. What do you think? What do you think about your toughness score and what you do to become more tough? Do let me know.

 

Expectations

Today morning I got up early, so that I can capture sun rise from a hill nearby, with my new camera lens. The sunrise was at 5:58 am local time.  I got up at 5:15, and rushed with my camera to the hill. But alas, by the time I reached there, it was late. Sun has risen and its rays has filled the atmosphere. I was slightly disappointed. I started walking on the hill. Being harsh summer (in a tropical country), the trees didn’t bear any leaves, only their skeletons were visible. Through these trees, I captured Sun.( See the photo above) I took few snaps as I was walking by. But somehow, I felt unhappy. I was not getting the snap I was looking for. Sun was bright and shining fiercely in the sky. The color of the sky was bright white. I remembered my trip to this same hill, last year in winter. I was able to capture, beautiful Sun rise with morning colors of sky. This was completely absent today. What has changed? Was I too late to reach the hill? I realized that, this is summer and the sky was clear, without any traces of clouds. That was winter and obviously the air was far cooler then, which might have given rise to various colors. I was disappointed at the snaps I have taken.

Why So? I had expectations about the sunrise, the colors in the sky and the landscape. I was probably trying to get that wow feeling after taking the snap. Are expectations bad? Why was I having expectations? Did I want to exhibit the snaps and get praise for that from my friends/ people around me. Many questions surfaced in my mind.

Having expectations, is good or bad, is a highly debatable issue. But one thing was sure that expectations were driving me to look at the nature around me in a particular way. I had lost the freshness of the eyes. To see beauty, you require fresh eyes. That was missing and was making me sad in the marvelous nature.

I decided to abandon my search for a breath-taking view and just take stroll in the peaceful nature. The birds were chirping, there was an indescribable silence in the atmosphere. That really soothed me. I strolled and captured some snaps without bothering whether they are good or not. Now when I was focusing from the view finder, I was lost to the outside world and completely engrossed in the process of taking picture. Ah! That was heavenly.

“Human beings react not to reality, but to ideas in their heads.” Father Anthony DeMello in the Heart of the Enlightened.

How true? I realized the meaning of the sentence above.  It was clear to me that I was looking at the nature, especially Sunrise, from a particular point of view, of taking a photograph. Do you also face this? Do you react to reality from the ideas that are in your head- may be consciously or unconsciously? Be it people, relationships, nature, - whatever you see/ face, do you react to it from the preconceived notions? Are those conditioned responses? Then how to see with fresh eyes?

 We have notions of beauty. These vary from person to person, nation to nation and culture to culture. We get attracted to beautiful things and try to avoid ugly things. Is it not? But in nature nothing is beautiful and nothing is ugly. Everything in nature makes it whole. But we compartmentalize things into beautiful and ugly. We do not see facts. We interpret them as per our conditioning. I was looking at the barren trees and finding them not beautiful.( Snap taken is at the top.)

They were looking grey and I did not find them  enchanting. Was this not a conditioned reaction? What is the antidote for all this?. What can we do to have fresh eyes? How can we see things as they are?

What immediately comes to my mind is a mindfulness practice. This one is from “How to train a wild elephant and other adventures in mindfulness” by Jan Chozen Bays. The exercise suggested is as follows

As often as you can, shift your awareness from objects to the space around the objects. For example, when you look in the mirror, notice the space around the image of your head. In a room, notice the empty space rather than the furniture, people, or other visual objects.

Author says” this task can be a potent tool of awareness if people consistently practice with it.”

What other hacks are there to become more mindful or to see with fresh eyes – that you practice? Do let me know.

As I was leaving the hill, I saw this abandoned structure on the hill with colorful graffiti on it. I liked the splash of colors and snapped a picture. I felt happy and enthusiastic. My disappointment vanished and I left the hill in a good mood.  

 

Nothingness

 

I am an avid reader. I like to read a lot. Presently I am reading books on Neuroscience, Spirituality, Self awareness. I am also fond of looking for the book recommendations done by distinguished personalities in various fields. My kindle is stocked with so many unread books. My amazon wish list of books is pretty long. But every time I finish a book, my thirst for knowledge is not satiated but it increases. What am I missing? What the yet unpurchased book (which is in my wish list) will offer me? I want to be better. Better than any one else. I would like to improve myself. I feel incomplete. And I think I try to find that complete ness through books. At the back of mind there is this constant desire that the next book I am going to read will make me complete. But that never happens.

Where is this feeling of incompleteness coming from? Is it acquired by me through my conditioning which has happened consciously/ unconsciously while passing through life or am I born with it?  I see people around me who are driven to achieve material success. They bask in the glory of material achievements, be it bigger cars, nicer homes, exotic holidays, rare spirits or wines. Nothing wrong in that.  They are focused on one thing after the other.

In my case I find that happens for me in respect of books. I am really greedy about books. Put me in a bookshop and I behave like a child in the toy shop. I enjoy them, browsing,  reading. To get transformed. To become a person who is calm and happy and contented.  Is there an end to this? Even after reading so many books my need for books and for that one particular book which will complete me is still there. Do any of you feel this way in respect of books? Am I overdoing it? Number of questions arise in my mind.

I read somewhere that inside our core there is nothing. This nothingness creates an urge to fill it. Be it material things, knowledge, spiritual things, or even charitable works or volunteering for social causes. Is it good or bad, I don’t know. What you do to face this nothingness? This feeling of emptiness inside. Generally, you keep yourself busy, engaged in various activities, so that you don’t face it. What are the ways to deal with this?  

I remember a story which I have read sometimes back.

Once upon a time there was a beggar with a begging bowl. He was not getting any alms to feed himself. He went to the palace of king and requested the king for some alms. The king asked his servants to fill the bowl with the grains from the store. The servants filled the bowl first with rice, then with wheat and then with other grains, still the bowl could not be filled. The king was astonished to see this. But being a king, he ordered his servants to fill the bowl with precious stones, gold and other wealth he was having. To his surprise his servants told him that the royal treasury is now emptied but the bowl is still not full. A wise man  in the king’s court was seeing this drama. He called the beggar and asked him whether he can see the begging bowl. The beggar handed over it to him. The sage then asked the beggar – what is the material, the bowl is made up of. The beggar replied” I fashioned it from human skull that I found in the crematorium”. At this point the sage realized what was happening. Human greed is such that nothing can fill it.

So, what is the antidote to it? What should be done to keep this in check? Mindfulness or awareness of breath is a way to live consciously. When a person lives with awareness, he realizes that he cannot fill the void or / that nothingness inside with anything. And probably he starts on the journey of inner peace and contentment.

I think I am slowly realizing this about books. I am now consciously avoiding purchase of new books and trying to live a more conscious life. What you do to be aware or live life consciously?

“Mindfulness and awareness is the bridge between reaction and conscious choice.”  Hal Tipper

Seeing

 This was taken recently by me,  when I travelled to North East part of India. This is a snap, taken on river Bramhaputra in Assam state. Recently my wife has gifted me, a mirrorless camera. I am learning to take photographs  with this camera. Before starting the tour to North East part of India, I viewed few you tube videos, on how to use digital camera for taking pictures. One of the video, showed different settings and how to use them.  While showing the settings, the photographer in the video, was showing the display screen of the camera to demonstrate, how to achieve different settings. One thing that struck me was, there was no memory stick in the camera. 

He was taking pictures with different settings and showing them on the display for some time to explain the effect of differences between the settings. Suddenly it dawned on me that the camera is just taking pictures without storing any thing. It is not getting affected by the images previously taken as it is not storing it. J. Krishnamurty talks about seeing which is not conditioned by past , which is always fresh and present. Which does not judge the present on past accumulated knowledge. Can we do that?

Can we look at the surroundings, the experience we are going through , the sound we are hearing, without judging the same from our memories or conditioned mind. Then what you will see/ hear, will always be new, even if you are seeing it again and again. 

" The real voyage of discovery is not in seeking new places but in seeking with new eyes" Marcel Proust.

How can we have new eyes, which are not burdened by the experiences of the past , which don't interpret, what they are seeing now. In brief how can we uncodition our mind. What are hacks for that to remain in present and observe? Following paragraph from J. Krishnamurty, talks about this and may be helpful.

"That emptiness of the mind cannot be produced: the mind cannot be made empty, cannot be put together to be empty. That emptiness comes as a sunset comes of an evening, full of beauty, enchantment, and richness; that comes as naturally as the blossoming of a flower when there is no fear, when there are no escapes, when there is no boredom, and when there is no seeking. That is the most important of all – there must be no seeking. You cannot find; you cannot find the everlasting. That which is beyond time you cannot search out. It may come to you but you cannot go to it because your minds are too shallow, petty, empty, full of ambition, fears, ugliness, and distortion. Therefore, the mind must empty itself – not because it wants that, because when you want that, you have a motive, and the moment you have a motive, you have lost your energy. Therefore, it is only the mind that is completely empty that is in a state of inaction. That inaction is action. And it is only such a mind that is passionate; it is only such a mind that can live with beauty and not get used to beauty – the beauty of a tree, the beauty of a face, the beauty of an eye, of a smile, of the ugly, dirty road, the squalor, the poverty, it is only the passionate mind that can live with it and not get distorted. And it is only such a mind that is so completely empty that is in a state of meditation."

Tell me what you do, to have such empty mind or in other words remain present. Meditation of course helps as well as the  practice of mindfulness. 

I was on the deck of the river cruise, when I was taking this picture. Lot of people were around me, scrambling for taking pictures. But when I had put my eye to the view finder, I was completely focused on the scene and oblivious to the surroundings. I felt serene and contented. I was fully present there and I clicked. Probably I got the best result.

How it will be  to experience our life  like a camera without a memory stick? Some people will object to this saying that memories make life beautiful. Is it the memories or replay of the memories at this instant that we feel beautiful?

Tell me what you think?